The Rooming
by The American Ranger
Summary: Slytherin Queen 1.30's character, Erinn Marshwell, end's up locked in a few different rooms with various teachers and headmasters.   Madness ensues! Warning: A lot of Snape.
1. In the dungeon bat's classroom

**Done in response to demands by Slytherin Queen 1.30**

I don't own any characters, and Maria and Erin and Duran belong to Slytherin Queen 1.30!

Erin Marshwell cursed violently as she realized that she had left her pointed hat in Snape's classroom in the dungeons. She had just gotten to her four poster bed, in the Slytherin chambers, and was near unconscious when she realized the missing hat. "Great, now I have to go see the dungeon bat and have nightmares about him again!" She let out a furious growl. In the next bed over Pansy Parkinson lifted her head off her pillow. "What's up Rin?" "I forgot my stupid hat and now I have to go get it!" "Where'd you leave it?" "Let's see, who's dark and gloomy?" "Oh, Snape. Well, good luck!" And with that Pansy turned over and was snoring in a matter of seconds.

Erin punched her pillow then got up and slipped on her kitten slippers. She tiptoed out of the common room, then left the Slytherin commons quietly. She sighed as she stepped into the cold dungeons and began walking towards Snape's classroom. She pushed her long, black hair behind her ears. Carefully, she pushed open the door and snuck in.

There, sitting on her desk was the missing hat. She was about to step out of the shadows(she hadn't realized she'd been in the shadows) when she realized there were people in the room. Snape stood at his desk, with Flitwick, McGonagall, Dumbledore, Sprout, Lupin and her mother, Maria Marshwell. Erin didn't know how she'd missed the seven people, but that was the least of her worries. She had to find somewhere to hide!

She ducked under a desk, and listened to the teachers' conversation. "….Ms. Marshwell you must realize that keeping a dragon on the grounds is a hazard!" said Flitwick. Erin was shocked. They were talking about Duran! "I will _not _get rid of Duran! So just go back to your rooms, this meeting's stupid!" Maria turned to leave, cheeks flushed with anger.

McGonnagall grabbed her wrist. "Marshwell, please refrain from calling meetings 'stupid'. This is a serious matter! What if a student was maimed by your beast? Could you imagine what would happed to this school?!" It was a known fact that Erin's mother and McGonnagall hated each other. Maria stopped cold, and McGonnagall released her wrist. "Thank y-" Maria turned around and bit McGonagall's shoulder.

Erin had to stifle a groan/laugh at the sight of her mother with her teeth dug into the professor's shoulder. Her mother was always doing rash things, but this was over the top! Lupin rushed over and pulled Maria off McGonagall. He smiled at her, "Look, I'm on your side here, but that doesn't mean you should bite people!" She huffed, "She called Duran a beast.", then she turned to McGonagall, "You're a beast, so suck it."

Then her mother turned and got about five feet this time, before Snape grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into his chest. Erin was a bit shocked. They'd had a huge fight last year, and had seemed to hate each other, but here he was hugging her.

"I know you're worried for Duran, but you can't go all emotional, you tend to end things badly when you do. So calm down, don't bite anybody, and hear out everyone." he purred in his usual manner. "Fine." Maria mumbled. She turned and sat down, at the desk Erin was hiding under. Erin's heart leapt to her throat. If she moved she'd be discovered, if she didn't she would be anyway. Erin said a quick little spell, and made herself partially invisible.

She was making good progress almost to her hat, she reached up to get it and felt her hand grab it. She began to creep towards the door. And you know what? She almost made it, too. Unfortunately, her partial invisibility spell didn't work on Dumbledore.

"Why, Miss Marshwell, how nice of you to join us! We were just talking about your pet dragon! McGonagall wants to kill him. Your mother wants to keep him. What's your opinion?" he asked, eyes twinkling. Maria turned to Erin. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?! Do you _want_ me to take points from my own house?" Erin let out a little squeak. McGonagall seemed to have really ticked her off.

Everyone in the room started arguing. Sprout and Flitwick questioning Maria's parenting abilities, Snape yelling at Lupin, Dumbledore snacking on blood lolipops, and then Maria began advancing towards Erin. Erin grabbed her hat and ran, all the way back to her four poster. She imagined her mother taking points from her house. Her mother was all about house pride, or as she said, Slytherin Pride. Erin fell asleep worrying. And then she woke up.

"Erin! Are you all right? You've been shaking for hours, and moaning something about bloody lolipops and dragons!" she saw Pansy leaning over her, a worried expression. Erin sighed. It was all a dream! She looked next to her, expecting to see her hat. Instead she saw a note written in long slanted script.

"_Dear Erin,_

_I have taken care of your little escapade last night, and have cleared up the problems involving the dragon Duran. Please do be more careful and less of an eavesdropper in the future. 5 points from Slytherin. I have returned your hat, and given you some of my favorite blood lolipops. Only use them in times of danger!!_

_~Albus Dumbledore"_


	2. The closet of weirdness

Chapter 2: Erin, Dumbledore, Draco, and Snape in a closet

The next day Erinn found herself once again in a room…well, a closet….with a teacher and a headmaster.

She'd been walking with Draco, having an in-depth conversation about her mother and Snape's relationship. "I mean, they love and hate each other so much! They're total opposites, and so much alike at the same time. It's a bit infuriating actually!" she exclaimed. "Haven't you and your stupid Gryffindors been trying to help them along lately?" asked Draco with one of his trademark smirks. "First of all, Fred and George aren't stupid, and secondly, we've gotten nowhere. At all." Erinn sighed. "Whatever, it's none of _my _business anyways, the romances of teachers." he said.

"Well, well, well. Thought you two would gossip about your teachers did you?" said a silky voice behind them. Both Slytherins jumped, having not heard their Potions master approach. Erinn sighed. Snape was the only teacher who'd freely eavesdrop on people's conversations. Draco smiled in a kiss up way and said, "But sir we just were curious. And we thought that as boyfriend and girlfriend we could handle this kind of thing." Erinn didn't have the slightest idea what Draco was talking about, but she played along anyway. "Oh, yes sir!" She said in the same tone as Draco. "We thought that since we have such a great relationship, we could help you and mum! Isn't that wonderful?"

Snape's eye twitched. "I wish you children would not gossip about your professors, but I won't take any points from Slytherin. _This time." He turned on his heel, black robes flying out behind him and slammed into Dumbledore, who was eating an ice cream cone, with 10 scoops of God knows what flavor. The ice cream's tip slammed directly into Snape's nose, and stuck. He looked like a demented clown in Erinn's opinion, since the ice cream was red. Dumbledore burst out laughing, Draco and Erinn joining in while Snape shot daggers at each of them through his eyes._

_Dumbledore pointed his hand at Snape's nose and made all of the ice cream go back into the cone, so that it looked like it did before the head- on impact. He smiled, "Much better!" Then went back to snacking. Draco heard an odd buzzing noise coming from the opposite end of the hallway. It got louder, and louder. Draco screamed as a huge boulder came flying down the hallway, narrowly missing Erinn. The boulder slammed into a portrait, the people painted in it sreaming in terror. "It's that gang of Death Eater recruits! They've got a troll!" yelled a nearby picture. _

_Maria Marshwell came flying down the corridor, followed closely by McGonagall. They turned and aimed their wands at the hideous troll as it came into sight. It had yellowish brown skin, a putrid stench, and wore only a loincloth. Erinn spotted a closet. "There!" she screamed. The six people dashed towards it, each diving into it. "Wait!" shouted Erinn, "Who's gonna get rid of the troll?" McGonagall and Maria looked at each other, nodded then dove back out of the closet. They slammed the door, and Maria said a spell that made it impenetrable from the outside. Unfortunately, the spell was too strong, causing it to be impenetrable from the inside as well. _

_Sounds of the troll battle raged outside, and Erinn grew increasingly worried about her mother. Once, she thought she heard her scream, but she passed it off as her imagination. After a while there was a rumbling crash outside the closet door. Dumbledore clapped his hands excitedly. "Yes, they killed it! Now your mother can undo the spell and retrieve us." They waited a few minutes but heard nothing outside. Ten minutes passed. Twenty. Draco sighed. "I don't think she's coming back, Rin." "Don't be stupid, Draco, she probably just got…distracted." said Erinn._

_Snape let out a heavy groan. "Your mother was famous for forgetting things back in school" "How comforting!" Replied Erinn sarcastically. "I don't know about you three, but I don't plan to be stuck in a closet for the rest of my life." said Draco, getting up. He backed up against the wall, preparing to charge it. "Mr. Malfoy that will not help you in any way, except to give you a concussion." said Snape. Draco ignored him and ran full force at the closet. Of course, he slammed into it. He fell flat on his back. Erinn rushed over to him. "Oh, great. He's not moving." _

_Dumbledore walked over to Draco. "He needs the kiss of life! I will give it to him!" he said. "Um, Professor, that's for people who are drowning, and lifeguards usually do that." said Erinn. "Don't question me." replied Dumbledore. He placed his lips over Draco's and breathed into him. Logically, Draco didn't improve. Remembering the fake boyfriend girlfriend scene earlier, Erinn sighed. "Now that you've kissed my…boyfriend, can you please give him a spell or potion or something?" "I do have a reviving potion we could use." said Snape. "No, no, no, no, no! What Draco needs is true love's kiss!" said Dumbledore._

_Snape looked at the headmaster skeptically. Erinn grabbed the vial from him and poured some into Draco's mouth. His eyes fluttered open. "Ramming doors doesn't work at this school." he said angrily, then sat up. "Ooooh! I know what we should do! Let's play 'Truth or Dare'!" said Dumbledore excitedly. Draco and Erinn exchanged glances, but Dumbledore was already starting the game. He sat his wand on the floor and spun it. It pointed to Snape. "Allright then, what do I do?" he said. Erinn smiled, "You mean you've never played 'Truth or Dare'?" "No, I have not." "Well, if you're pointed at, you pick either to tell a truth or do a dare." she explained. _

_Snape nodded. "I pick truth." "Okay!" said Dumbledore. "Do you love Professor Marshwell?" Snape seemed to get paler than usual. "I change my mind, dare." "I dare you to turn your hair white." said Erinn. Snape glared at her, but turned his hair white. Dumbledore spun the bottle again, and it landed on Draco. "Easy, dare." "Allright, I dare you to kiss Erinn." said Dumbledore, eye's twinkling. Draco blushed violently, then leaned over and planted a kiss on Erinn's lips. Dumbledore smiled happily, then spun the bottle again, landing on himself. "Dare!" he said. Draco's eyes glinted malevolently, "I dare you to take all of your clothes off." he said. And, much to the horror of Erinn, he undressed. Dumbledore sat down, now naked, and spun the bottle once more, landing on Erinn. "I gotta go with dare." she said hesitantly. Snape smiled. "I dare you to give yourself cat ears." Erinn grinned, "Cool, I love cats!" she said then gave herself black cat's ears. _

_Just then there was a sound outside the door. Someone chanting, and then the door burst open to reveal Maria. What she saw intrigued her. Snape's now white hair, Erinn's kitten ears, Draco's huge knot on his forehead, and a naked Dumbledore. They filed out of the closet. Maria burst into a fit of laughter. "You all look ridiculous!" she said between giggles. Snape growled and went down to the dungeons, white hair gleaming. Dumbledore winked at Erinn then walked back to his office, not noticing the looks he was getting from students. Maria went to go take care of the gang that had brought in the troll, and Draco and Erinn walked back to the Slytherin common room. "You going to get rid of your ears?" Draco asked. Erinn smiled, "Naw, I want to see the look on everyone's faces when they see 'em." "Oh, okay then. Night 'Rin." he said smiling. "Night Draco."_


	3. Follow the butterflies!

Chapter 3-

**(AN-I know the summary says it's about Erinn, but this one's going to focus on Maria, just so you know)**

Maria was walking down to her cottage in the grounds of Hogwarts. The cold wind whipped her face, and blew her short black hair into disarray. She groaned, just thinking about having to fix it again. She shivered and pulled her long, dark, green cloak closer around her, throwing up her hood. Maria was about twenty yards from the cottage now, the promise of a warm cup of hot chocolate looming in her head, when her name was called by one of her least favorite people on Earth.

"Marshwell! Will you turn around! I have been calling your name since you left the building! Did you not hear me?" called McGonagall angrily. Actually, Maria _had _heard the head of Gryffindor, but she wasn't about to let her know that. Too much fun to play 'Get on McGonagall's Nerves'! Maria made a little evil smile, then turned around looking at McGonagall with false innocence. "Why, hello Professor McGonagall! Were you talking to me?" she asked, biting back a smile. "Yes. Ms. Marshwell, as head of Gryffindor house, I should like to consult you about the cruel and unusual punishments you give to my students."

"What? I couldn't quite hear that." said Maria loudly. McGonagall sighed, then repeated herself. "What?" asked Maria again. McGonagall, who was starting to get suspicious, once again repeated herself. "No, I don't have any cottage cheese McGonagall" said Maria in her best what-is-wrong-with-you? voice. "Marshwell, that's not what I-" but Maria cut her off, noticing her perfect opportunity. A butterfly had flown by and was heading for Hagrid's Hut. "FOLLOW THE BUTTERFLIES!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. She grabbed McGonagall by the wrist and bolted towards the butterfly.

The butterfly flew into the hut, and Maria and McGonagall followed, Maria laughing like a lunatic and McGonagall protesting. When they burst into the hut, Maria dropped McGonagall and put on a stony face. She turned to McGonagall, "I'm sorry, did I say something?" she asked like a loony angel. McGonagall decided to give up on her. Then Maria noticed Hagrid.

He was sitting at his table, with a huge muffin stopped halfway on it's trip to his mouth, which was wide open. Maria smiled happily, "Hullo Hagrid, what's up?" she asked, winking at him not to bring up the whole butterfly thing. He must of understood, because he smiled at them and gestured for them to sit. "Well, Miss Maria, what brings ya up ter my hut? Need somethin' from ole' Hagrid?" he asked, with his mouth full of muffin. McGonagall was completely fed up with Maria and decided she would talk to Snape, at least _he _didn't have mental problems. But just as she was reaching for the handle of the door, there was an almighty THUMP! from outside.

She stuck her head out to find Hagrid's baby brother, Grawp, sitting in front of the door. The giant had something in his ears….. She turned to Maria, figuring the things were some sort of Muggle thing that she might know about. Maria poked out her head, too. What she saw was both comical and terrible, at the same time.

Grawp was listening to an I-pod. Which meant that if they called to him, he'd be completely deaf to them. Maria pulled her head back in. She looked at McGonagall, "The giant's listening to Metallica on his I-pod." she stated in her know it all voice. Maria had to explain to her and Hagrid what an I-pod was, and who Metallica was. McGonagall was horrified.

"So I'm trapped in here with you two?!" she asked, losing her usual formality. Maria bristled. "What, got a problem with Slytherins and half-giants? I'll have you know, both of us could kick your-" "Look, ladies. I know 'tis ain't 'ow you wanted to spend yer afternoon, but 'ter's no use fightin' wit' each other." Maria stuck her tongue out at McGonagall, who made a comment that seriously made Maria fly off the deep end. "At least Gryffindors know how to act like adults! No wonder all the worthy people are in Gryffindor!" said McGonagall smugly.

Maria saw red.

Nobody, _nobody_ made fun of Maria's house. McGonagall had just brought the wrath of Slytherin House upon herself. Maria picked up the nearest thing, a frying pan, and threw it at McGonagall's stupid head. It banged into her shoulder and she cried out in pain. Then she growled like an animal, picked up one of Hagrid's muffins and tossed it at Maria's chest.

That thing hurt. Hagrid was already a horrible cook(making the muffin hard), but having a hard muffin thrown at your chest by an injured witch made it hurt all the more. Maria gasped as it lodged in her chest. Then she picked up the container of coffee that Hagrid had been drinking and tossed all of it onto McGonagall. The hot, foamy drink spewed all over McGonagall, who screamed. But Maria wasn't done yet. She'd hated McGonagall since the first time she met her, back when she was in school. She ripped off McGonagall's House pin and threw it out the window.

Whether by fate or by coincidence, it smacked into Grawp's I-pod, smashing the screen and switching off the music. He looked around dumbly, then stood up and wandered off towards the forest, probably looking for more Metallica music.

McGonagall turned on her heel and stormed out of the house. She stopped picked up her pin, and continued walking back to the school. Maria turned to Hagrid, who smiled at her. "Well, 'tat was a lot o fun!" he said. Maria started laughing, and headed back to her house.

* * *

**Please read and review! **


	4. Drunk in the Room of Requirement

**Chapter 4**

**(AN-this chapter's completely done by request from Slytherin Queen 1.30, she even gave me a list! I added a little something to make her even more excited, though. Main character this time around is Sevvie!)**

Severus stormed through the dungeon hallways. "The nerve of that insolate little Potter!" he shrieked, scaring the crud out of a pair of kissing Slytherins. "Putting thumbtacks in my chair! Thumbtacks!" he roared, rubbing his backside where the Muggle objects had stabbed him. "Got an itch, Sev?" Asked a smooth voice. Severus groaned, as he realized who was behind him.

Lockhart raced up to his side, brushing his blond hair behind his ears. He beamed up at Severus, who's day had just gotten about 5 times worse. "You know, if you read my latest book, 'Great Cures in Ten Minutes' that rash will be gone in, well, ten minutes!" he grinned. Severus frowned at the conceited man. "It is not a rash. Your little protégé, Potter, placed thumbtacks in my chair!" he roared. Then he took off running down the hall.

Severus checked to see if Lockhart was following him. In the process, he tripped over Flitwick, who was exiting the Ravenclaw tower. He landed hard on the little man, who squealed as he was flattened by a second teacher. Lockhart had caught up to Severus. He called the man a crow, got up, and raced away. He _really _hated it when people called him 'Sev'.

He ducked into a little doorway and found himself in an abandoned classroom. He slid down the wall and placed his head on it.

**(AN- Sevvie's being a bit anti-social, huh?)**

Severus' peace was soon destroyed though, because Maria came running through the door. She slammed the door behind her, and as she did the room changed into a sort-of rec room. The desks changed into beanbag chairs, and the walls covered themselves in movie and music posters. Maria hadn't noticed him yet, he realized. She flopped down in a beanbag chair and blew a stray strand of hair out of her eyes. Then she noticed Severus.

"What the heck are you doing in the Room of Requirement?" she asked suspiciously. Severus groaned, "I was trying to escape a certain blond conceited teacher, and I found myself in an abandoned classroom." he explained. Maria nodded, black ponytail bobbing. "I was trying to get away from McGonagall, I swear, that woman wants to kill me!" she moaned with fake distress. Severus examined the room. The posters caught his eye. "Why did the Room turn into this?" he asked waving his hand at the posters.

Maria smiled, "It looks like my room, which is where I like to go when I'm peeved." "Oh. What's Zombieland?" he asked. Her eyes bugged, until they looked as though about to explode. "YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT!" she screamed. "Actually, my dear I'm afraid he did." said another voice. And in the corner, completely unnoticed by the two teachers, sat Albus Dumbledore. He grinned at them, blue eyes twinkling.

Maria spluttered, "H-how? When did you get in here?". Dumbledore conveniently avoided answering that question. "You seem to have drawn a crowd." he announced. The two whirled around to find McGonagall, Lockhart, and Flitwick standing in the door. The trio took a step forward, and the door slammed shut behind them, locking and turning purple. "Oh my God! I'm stuck with you people again!" screamed Maria, panicking.

Lockhart took a step up to Maria, taking her hand and kissing it. Severus chuckled to himself. This had happened before, and sure enough the past repeated itself. Maria growled and delivered a roundhouse kick to Lockhart's hair. He let out a girlish scream. He fell to the floor shrieking, "My hair, my hair! You messed up my hair!" Maria snorted. "Your face is messed up, Lockhart!" Lockhart tried to get up, but Maria stomped on his groin.

Severus couldn't help but laugh. McGonagall pulled Maria off of Lockhart. "We do not harm other teachers!" she exclaimed. Maria growled again, "Stuff it McGonagall, nobody cares about your pathetic self." She said smugly. Then, leaving McGonagall fuming, she dropped into a beanbag chair and stared at an Evenensce poster on the ceiling.

In the back of the room, Flitwick had found a wine supply. Despite the fact that he was a Ravenclaw, he couldn't help but get drunk. He hiccupped, and started singing 'Welcome to the Jungle'. Dumbledore joined in, and Severus could tell he'd gotten to the alcohol, along with Flitwick. Maria noticed the wine and grabbed a bottle, swigging it down like ambrosia.

The three danced around the room, crying out random nonsense. Maria grabbed Severus' hair, and stroked him. "What a good little snowball! Now you get a cloud!" she grinned drunkenly. Severus had seen Maria drunk twice, and both times she'd gone slightly insane. He observed the others, and deciding that since he was locked in a room for God knows how long, grabbed a bottle as well. Soon he was dancing around the room with Maria, who still thought he was her pet snowball.

McGonagall watched the intoxicated teachers dance and sing around the room.

She sighed, then pulled out her wand and undid the spell that Flitwick had accidentally put on the door. She walked out, then bolted for the Gryffindor commons room, locking her door. Those four! She thought. Drunk!

Back in the room, Maria and Severus were red faced and smiling. Flitwick had passed out on top of Dumbledore. Severus ginned down at Maria, then leaned in and kissed her. Maria was startled, but enjoyed every minute of it. Dumbledore hiccupped then smiled, "And they happily after lived forever!", he said then fell asleep on Flitwick.

**(AN-The end! I know, it ends really fast, but I'm tired and have chores so I have to!")**


	5. The modeling catalogue

**Chapter 5-**

**(AN- As always, I'll begin with a quick author's note! A warning: there will be Fred and George, and Snape. Alone. In a small room. Imagine the possibilities, for a moment. *evil writer's laugh*)**

Fred's cheeks glowed bright red as he wandered the halls with George. Why was he blushing, you ask?

Erin Marshwell.

She'd been playing a little prank with him and George today on McGonagall, and had kissed him on the cheek. Fred's heart fluttered at the thought of her sweet, dark lips on his cheek. Then he mentally slapped himself. Dude, seriously, now is not the time for this! He thought.

You see, Fred and George were going to play yet another joke on Snape. Fred straightened the little tie he'd bought from Dean Thomas, grinning as he imagined the look on the old dungeon bat's face when they began the joke. George stroked his fake beard, grinning at Fred. "This, my friend, is gonna be awesome!"

They were dressed up as photographers, and completely unrecognizable. The plan was to barge into Snape's private rooms, and tell him he'd won a spot in a modeling catalogue gig. The funny part was what they were going to make Snape wear.

( **AN- But that, my minions, is to be found out later!)**

Switching from their normal walk, to a conceited almost prance-like one, the twins made their way to Snape's chambers. Fred flashed George a thumbs-up as he pounded on the door.

"Hello? I'm looking for the esteemed Severus Snape! Are you in there sir?"

There was a grunt from the opposite side of the door. Then the clink of bottles against wood as the Potions Master put whatever concoction he'd been plotting with back in the cupboard. It was followed by a swish, footsteps, and the door creaking open a little bit.

"I am Severus Snape. To whom am I speaking?"

Lord, though Fred, he sounds like one of those insurance company ladies.

"We are sires Flippington and Gorling. We are from the very famous company of…."

Fred watched his brother fumble for a name, then had an idea.

"Crappington Models." he said proudly.

He watched Snape look them up and down, from one gaudy orange suit with green lace(George) to a suit with bright red and yellow plaid(Fred). He ran a hand through his greasy hair. "Look, sirs. I really think you have the wrong-" But George cut him off by grabbing him by the front of his robes and dragging him into his chambers.

"How dare you! These are _my_ chambers so I demand-"

"Please, Sev, just shut up. Can I call you Sev?"

"No."

"All right then, Sev, let's get to business. You signed up for our catalogue and won! So, er, congratulations! Now you get to try on various outfits, while Gorling here snaps your photos!" he said in a cheery tone.

"I did not sign up for your catalogue."

Fred had already been prepared for this, though. He'd gotten a Ravenclaw, who was very talented at forging signatures to fake Snape's on the 'sign-up sheet'. He flourished it from underneath his suit, waving it under the man's hook nose. "See right…there!" he said pointing at it with a dramatic finger.

"But-"

"No more idle chit-chat! The cameras are ready!" called George. Fred's evil side was laughing demonically, while his theatrical side was acting business like and conceited. He grabbed a case full of clothes and pulled Snape to the bathroom. He shut the door behind him and threw him an outfit. Snape caught it, still complaining from the bathroom. When he saw it though, he went silent.

"I refuse to wear this." he said flatly.

"Oh, come now. Surely, you want to be in a catalogue for everyone to see!"

"No. I do not. Especially in this."

Fred and George exchanged glances. Then said in union, "We'll pay you."

About five minutes later, Snape emerged from the dressing room, pale face bright pink. Because he was wearing swimwear. And not trunks either.

"Will you take your picture now?" he growled. Fred fought desperately to keep his laughter down at the sight of him.

George readied the camera and snapped the picture happily. Then Fred dragged him back to the bathroom and gave him another outfit. Snape didn't say anything, but seeing as that (leprechaun) gold was jingling in his cloak he donned outfit number 2.

Fred watched as he straightened the pink tie with little bunnies printed on it. In fact the whole robe was covered in pink, cotton ball bunnies. Snape sneered at the camera, and George took the picture.

"Time for your third and final outfit for today, with the theme, 'Gilderoy Lockhart's biggest fan'!" exclaimed Fred in false excitement.

"Lockhart's…..biggest……fan."

"Yes. Yes, indeed."

Fred and Snape shared a look. Fred was looking fake offended as Snape glared at him. Then he stormed out of his chambers, smacking George in the back of the head as he went. The twins stared after him. "So what do we do with the pictures?" Fred asked. "We post them on the Internet, the school, etcetera, etcetera." Fred grinned.

He looked towards the hall where Snape had left.

"D'you think we should tell him he's still in the bunny suit?"

"No, he'll find out on his own."

And sure enough, a roar of rage and raucous laughter echoed from the hall.

**(AN- So, uh turns out nobody was stuck this time. Deal with it! Review or I'll send Sirius to get you!) **


	6. The Bathroom of Uncomfortability

_**Chapter 6-**_

_**Hmm…I don't think I did a disclaimer when I started this. So:**_

_**Disclaimer-Even though I dreadfully long to own these awesome characters…I don't. So original Hp characters belong to:**_

_**JK Rowling- Me!**_

_**And Maria, Erinn, Duran, and the rest of the Sun and the Moon characters belong to:**_

_**Slytherin Queen 1.30- What? Oh, yeah, me! Read my Zombieland stories!**_

_**(AN- Aaaaaaannnnnd cue the asterisks! Oh, and this chap is rated T!)**_

_Maria grabbed her clothes off her bed, and raced to the shower in her little cottage. As if to tease her, a rumble of thunder echoed through her cozy little home. She growled. She had _to shower before this thing hit. She'd been covered in dragon vomit when Duran had retched all over her, due to a rather nasty virus he'd been struck with. 

Stripping bare, Maria fought time, jumping in the shower and using magic to turn the water on. No time to wait for it to get warm, she stood in the freezing water, teeth chattering. The bile started to wash off, and Maria sighed in contentment. Then the power went out. 

She cursed, but was immensely glad that she'd used magic to get the water running. She fumbled around for her soap, inwardly yelling at herself for leaving the wand on the counter. She found what she thought was it, rubbing it all over. But she saw that the thing was actually Erinn's pet Puffskein. She shrieked, along with the little creature, and dropped it. Then, realizing she was probably drowning it, picked it up and sat it on the edge of the tub.

She went back to showering, humming rock songs to herself as the storm raged outside. There was a bang! And the bathroom door burst open, making Maria and the Puffskein jump. 

"Remus, get your hairy little tail back here!" shouted a familiar slinky voice.

"Shut up, Snivellus!" shouted Remus, who was near the shower.

"I will not be insulted in front of my own house!" snarled Severus.

"I didn't insult you, you did it on your own!"

"Oh, yes. I called myself a 'Slimy faced, lifeless git' in front of my own students!" 

"Yes."

The Potion's Master growled in response.

In the shower, Maria had stopped the water and was desperately searching for her towel. 'Come on! It was here a few minutes ago!' she thought. Her hand grabbed a piece of cloth, but it turned out to be the back of Severus' robes. He jumped, then whirled around to see Maria, naked and illuminated by the lightning, looking at him.

Being males, Severus and Remus couldn't help but look at her….well you know.

Maria let out a little gasp, then covered herself with the shower curtain. "What the cabbage are you doing in my bathroom?" she shrieked. The men exchanged glances. "Well, my dear, Severus here decided he'd try to murder me for no reason. I ran to the nearest place, which happened to be your cottage." "….the door wasn't locked?" she asked. Remus smiled, "No, so I figured it was all right for me to come in." "Well it wasn't…." 

Severus growled again. "I did not try to kill him for no reason. He insulted me in front of the whole Slytherin house!" 

"Yeah, I know. You were screaming at each other a few minutes ago."

A huge boom of thunder, followed by a blinding flash of lightning ripped across the sky. Remus looked towards the window.

"You know…I don't think we're going anywhere anytime soon."

And to accent the point, the thunder roared.

Severus sniffed. "What is that horrible smell?" he asked, covering his nose. 

"That, Sev, would be dragon bile." smirked Maria. He made a little gagging noise. 

"Remus, could you go in my room and find me some clothes? It's the last room, towards the left." 

He nodded, then went searching for the room. He found it quickly, then ducked inside. He reached in his pocket, looking for his wand, but remembered that he left it in the castle when Severus had tried to murder him. Sighing, he felt his way to a drawer. 

Digging through it he grabbed a random thing, which turned out to be a bra. Blushing, he continued searching and found underwear. Then he felt his way to another dresser, and found flannel pants and a tank top. 

He felt his way back to the bathroom, and felt his hand run across something, well two somethings. Maria screamed, and slapped Remus across the face. Severus snickered in the corner. After much apologizing and swearing that he didn't try to touch her, Maria retreated behind the curtain and got dressed. She emerged a few moments later, eyeing Remus warily. 

"I said I was sorry!" he exclaimed. 

Severus pulled his finger across his throat, sneering. For effect, lightning lit up his face.

Maria gagged, "God, I didn't realize that bile smelled so bad!"

Remus searched around for a few moments, staying well away from Maria, and eventually found air freshener. Severus looked at it curiously. 

"What is it?" he asked.

"You mean you don't know what air freshener is?" asked Maria skeptically. He nodded. "Well, it's a Muggle-" 

"That's good, I understand." She raised an eyebrow. 

Remus sprayed the vanilla scented stuff all over the room, intentionally getting it in Severus' eyes, then sat it down on the Puffskein, who squealed in protest.

Maria sighed. Poor thing was having a rough night. 

They sat in the room for about an hour, Severus watching Remus closely, seeing if he'd make moves on Maria. Maria eyed Remus thinking about his earlier actions. And Remus? He wondered why everyone had decided to hate him today. 

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